So … you’ve been laid off. Now what?

There’s plenty of advice floating around about what to do when your number is up, and I won’t repeat much of that here.

Sure, you need to assess your finances, update your resume, tap into your network and expand it as best as you can.

My advice is a bit more personal. Before you do any of the things, expert career coaches recommend to stop for a minute, take a breath, and throw yourself a brief pity party.

Yes. I said it. A lot of folks will suggest that you dust yourself off quickly and immediately get busy. I remember doing that after my father died suddenly when I was just a teenager. I threw myself into school and work, not really stopping to think what I lost for YEARS. When the impact of my father’s death finally hit me, I was debilitated for a while and didn’t get back on track until I talked it through with a professional counselor.

Years later, I threw myself into work during a sudden transition with my then-employer and found myself losing it one day in my car while stopped at a traffic light. Then, as before, I kept on going until the pain hit me much later.

The Bridge Transition Model

The sudden loss of a job, particularly one you enjoyed and where you had friends, relationships and purpose, can feel much like losing a loved one. Both circumstances represent transitions, where one state of being ends and another begins.

In our Emerging Leaders workshops on dealing with transitions, we refer to the Bridges Transition Model, which outlines a three-step process people go through when their lives or circumstances change.

The first, and most immediate, is ending, losing and letting go. The second is what Bridges refers to as The Neutral Zone. Instead of a sci-fi Star Trek reference, the Neutral Zone is the state of uncertainty that results when one phase of life or set of circumstances ends. The third is the New Beginning, where a new way is identified and a new sense of optimism and purpose drives you forward.

So set a time limit and take a day. Or two. Or three. Lounge around in sweats, binge on chips and ice cream, watch Netflix and, if need be, cry. Really. The sense of loss is real — mourning what is lost is a necessary process to deal with the conflicting emotions that arise.

It is natural to be angry. It is natural to be afraid. It is natural to look back and ask yourself what you could have done differently to avoid that fate. The truth is there was likely nothing you could have done — and the combination of anger and fear can actually propel you in a positive direction.

While we all appreciate the security of a steady paycheck and company-supported health insurance, this interruption of your routine has the potential to open even greater opportunities if you approach this transition with the right mindset.

To start the process of emerging from that period of rest and mourning, ask yourself these questions: